Special Delivery: God’s Great Grace in the Birth of My Fourth Son- Part 3

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“This, then, is of faith, that everything, the very least, or what seems to us great, every change of the seasons, everything that touches us in mind, body, or estate, whether brought about through this outward senseless nature, or by the will of man, good or bad, is overruled to each of us by the all-holy and all-loving will of God. Whatever befalls us, however it befalls us, we must receive as the will of God. If it befalls us through man’s negligence, or ill-will, or anger, still it is, in even the least circumstance, to us the will of God. For if the least thing could happen to us without God’s permission, it would be something out of God’s control. God’s providence or His love would not be what they are. Almighty God Himself would not be the same God; not the God whom we believe, adore, and love.”

E. B. Pusey

I am so thankful that I have a solid foundational understanding of the sovereignty of God. Nothing slips through His hands. He providentially orchestrates all things that touch our life.

Knowing this, helped me handle a difficult phone call the afternoon of January 9th, 2024, the day before I turned 39 weeks. The fetal and maternal health specialist called me to talk to me about my fasting glucose numbers that hadn’t budged. I asked her what the concern was since my blood pressure was fine and his growth was fine. With no sugar coating whatsoever, she very bluntly responded, “Risk of stillbirth.”

Although I was a bit taken aback by her answer, I believed that most likely was not the case for me since my other numbers were not in question, yet, I chose to rest in God’s sovereignty regarding this phone call and this information presented to me. I asked her about the foley balloon method and she said that was definitely an option for me.

“How would you feel about scheduling your induction for tomorrow?”

Truth be told, friends, I wanted off this rollercoaster and knew that none of this was coincidence. This was all coming to me from God’s hand, even through a doctor’s lack of tact. Even if she was possibly pressuring me with that scary outcome, God was allowing it and giving us an opportunity to trust Him as He gave us wisdom to make the right decisions.

I agreed to proceed with the induction and received a request through the health portal for an appointment at the hospital for 5:30 AM the next day. I called the sweet sister in Christ who was on call to watch the boys and asked if she would be able to come over to hang with the boys while Paul and I were at the hospital. She said she would be at our house by 5 AM and was so excited for us to be so close to meeting baby boy #4! Her joy for us was quite calming for me as I embraced this new unknown experience that was ahead of me.

Considering childcare for the other boys was another thing weighing on Paul and I’s mind, we were so thankful that our boys would be cared for and loved on while we were briefly away. This sweet sister played with them and baked homemade banana bread with them. Even 1,000 miles away from family, God has provided a family for us in so many ways through our amazing church. I let a lot of my friends know about the situation and Paul informed our elders- we had a lot of people praying for us.

Grace.

I had trouble sleeping that night from nerves (and some contractions too) and was woken up by our three year old who wanted to sleep next to me as he had always done pretty much his whole life. He had no idea that his little world was about to change. He was about to become a big brother!

I didn’t even need my alarm to go off at 4:30 AM because my eyes were already wide open as I rolled out of bed to get ready to head to the hospital. After checking into the hospital, we got settled into my birthing suite that overlooked Tampa Bay. As the sun rose, the view got even sweeter. I doubt many people get to labor while looking at water and palm trees out the window. 😊

Grace.

I relayed the birth plan to my nurse who was a sweet homeschooling mama. The midwife on call was also just as sweet…and spunky. She was my hype girl for sure! Our game plan was for me to labor with the foley balloon for about five hours, check my dilation to see how my body was responding to that method and then break my water, knowing that he would most likely come quickly after that since that happened with the other boys. By God’s grace, within 30 minutes of the balloon being inserted, my contractions picked up and labor began to progress wonderfully. I was even able to walk around and labor over a birthing ball for the first time. I implemented breathing exercises this time around and a rocking motion that truly helped me stay focused as I calmly took each contraction as they came. My focal point being Tampa Bay, of course.

One thing that was truly different with this labor was my great need to cry. The oxytocin was truly making me weep; It was beautifully overwhelming in the best way. Within 2.5 hours, the balloon helped me dilate to 4 cm, and he was low enough for the midwife to break my water. That of course was when labor got intense FAST. I continued the swaying motion standing up, but this time, I needed to hold onto Paul’s hand and lean into his shoulder as I had done with my previous labors. He is such an amazing birthing partner; we truly make a great team.

Grace.

Within 30 minutes, I began to vocalize through the contractions so I knew I was approaching transition. I made my way to the bed, got on my knees, and faced the wall with my arms around Paul’s shoulders. As contractions were getting stronger and stronger, and I got the urge to push, I grabbed the bars of the bed and used it to brace myself as I pushed. Within 3 or 4 pushes, he was born!

Grace.

The midwife slipped Jonathan through my legs so I could see him…oh, my goodness…so much hair!!

Our Florida boy was born at 1:20 PM- something I had silently asked the Lord…that he would be born during the day, which is why the view out of the window was so beautiful with that Florida sun shining off the water.

“I did it, I did it!”

Little man’s blood sugar was a little low right after he was born but after sucking on some sugar mixture and eating (he latched perfectly immediately!), his numbers were thankfully normal. He would have to have his glucose checked 4 more times while we were at the hospital, but the numbers were within range each time. Thank You, Lord! We only had to stay at the hospital for 24 hours…another silent prayer answered!

Grace.

So here we are, now seven weeks postpartum, with baby boy laying on my lap, as I wrap up what will most likely be my last birth story. Although it is not exactly how I wanted his birth to go, I trust that God’s hand was upon the whole journey and that His grace carried me the whole way as I know it will continue to do until I take my last breath. I will forever live to tell Jonathan (and my other boys) of this great grace that is ever-sufficient.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

2 Corinthians 12:9, ESV

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Resting in Christ’s Perfect Peace

My husband and I are each the first-born children in our families. Although there isn’t any science behind first-born personalities, psychologists have taken note of the common traits regarding those who have been born first among their siblings. 

In general, firstborn children have been found to be responsible, assertive, task-oriented, perfectionistic, and supporters of authority. With all of those leadership characteristics, a great amount of weight can be placed upon the shoulders of the individuals prone to be the rule-follower and goal chaser. This can often lead to much stress and anxiety if not constantly kept in check. When two first-borns marry each other, they can run together with fervor to achieve dreams and become very productive as a family, but the home also needs peace to reign in it most of all. And not just “problem-free” type of peace- a peace that passes all understanding regardless of what is happening. Only the Lord, Jesus Christ can offer us this kind of perfect peace.

In God’s providence, one of the reasons we named our first-born child, Isaiah, was because of a very special verse found in the book of Isaiah regarding this kind of perfect peace that my husband and I know that we need every single day. Right in the middle of a prophecy regarding the land of Judah, the prophet Isaiah uttered these beautiful words about the Lord and His peace in chapter 26:

“You keep him in perfect peace
    whose mind is stayed on you,
    because he trusts in you”

(Isaiah 26:3, ESV)

For many of us, these last few years have felt a bit unstable. We have all experienced some form of worry, stress, and anxiety from the unknown future. From viruses, suddenly losing loved ones, empty store shelves, job losses, rising home prices, and hefty grocery bills week after week- we have all needed to find a perfect peace. Our answer is found in fixing our gaze upon the Lord and anchoring our minds to His unwavering truth. No matter what is going on around us, we can find an unshakable confidence in the Lord because He is ever-faithful to us. This is why staying in the Word consistently is so important when experiencing stressful or unstable times. Faith comes by hearing the Word of God (Romans 10:17) and the more we are studying the scriptures, the stronger our trust in God becomes. The Word of God is so powerful and the more we study and meditate upon it, our foundation will be strong in Christ, and we will continually know how to look to Him any time stress and anxiety tries to overtake us. Let us always be quick to ask the Lord for His sustaining grace and help in our time of need, looking to Him always because He cares for us. No matter what is going on around us, even if it seems like everything is falling apart, we must remember that God holds the entire universe in His hands. He is completely sovereign. Nothing passes through His hands by accident. He is in total control and has a great plan regarding all of it; We can trust in Him and rest in His great, perfect peace. Let us set our mind upon Him.

Lord, thank You that You want us to set our minds upon You at all times. Thank You that there is nowhere I can go that You are not there with me. Thank You for having a hold of my life, even as I feel like everything is crumbling around me. I confess that I have let stress take a hold of my life, rather than You. I have tried to control things in my life and at the same time, I have let anxiety control my mood, my attitudes and my actions. Lord, I repent of this! Please Father, help me see what is stressful or worrisome in my life and hand it over to You. Help me actively think on Your goodness to me. I am so hopeful for my eternity with you, Lord, where the presence of sin and fear will be no more! Help me look back on all the ways You have rescued me from my fearful moments and remember where You have always been faithful to me in the midst of great trials. Help me to rest in the truth of Your goodness and power today. Thank You, Lord, for Your perfect peace. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

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Yoked with Christ

For most of my life, I was what many would call a “control freak.” The burden of trying to control all aspects of my life, including unexpected life events that wrecked my meticulous and detailed plans or even ending my day with an unfinished task list, became too overwhelming for me that I lived in a constant state of worry and panic. For me, it was just a matter of time before that lifestyle became such a heavy burden upon my shoulders that I could no longer carry; We are not designed to control everything, friends- that’s God’s job. 

One day, Jesus’ words in Matthew 11 beckoned me to come to Him and give Him all of the heaviness I was trying to carry on my own.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30, ESV).

I must admit, when I first read His words to “take up [His] yoke” to find rest, I was hesitant. How would taking upon a yoke around my neck bring me rest? I pictured an ox plowing a field with a wooden yoke around its head, and the image didn’t bring about thoughts of peace and rest, but more exhaustion. I saw a yoke as bondage. But that is the beauty of Jesus’ words and the beauty of the Kingdom of God that operates differently than the world’s system. Where I initially saw bondage by surrendering my control, God was revealing to me that His yoke is actually a tool He uses to help us move forward in the destiny that He has for our lives. 

Intersecting Faith and Life: 

When we yoke ourselves together with Jesus, He carries the load upon His shoulders and His peace and rest comes into our lives. His grace carries us while we walk along side of Him, connected to Him, trusting His ways over our own. 

Over time, God has taught me to run to Him first and trust Him with every single detail of my life- true rest is found in Christ. The Word of God is so powerful and the more we study and meditate upon it, our foundation will be strong in Christ, and we will continually know how to look to Him any time stress and anxiety tries to overtake us. Let us always be quick to ask the Lord for His sustaining grace and help in our time of need, looking to Him always because He cares for us. When the cares of this life try to overwhelm you and bring stress and anxiety, instead of taking matters into your own hands, we must remember to come to Him every day for rest and peace. Thankfully, His peace surpasses all understanding and is unlike anything else this world can offer us. 

Further Reading:

Proverbs 3:5-6

Psalm 121:1-2

John 15

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Tidal Waves of Grief

Several years ago, I watched my husband, his parents, and my sister-in-law experience the deepest pain imaginable – pain so difficult that it physically hurt. The night my husband, Paul, received the news that his brother was in a tragic drowning accident, I held him as we both cried, huddled on the couch. He kept grabbing his chest and saying, “I miss him so much. This hurts so bad.” Each day after that moment, we continued to put one foot in front of the other as we walked through the pain with Jesus, trusting that He would continue to heal our broken hearts and believing we will see our precious brother (was also a believer) again in heaven someday.

Not only did I sense the nearness of God after we lost our dear brother, but the scriptures flooded my heart with hope. This passage from 1 Thessalonians reminded me to keep my mind fixed on eternity: 

“But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, ESV).

What a beautiful reminder to all of us who might be experiencing pain and grief right now! We may feel pain and sorrow, but that does not mean that we have no hope! Our life is only a vapor (James 4:14), and this place is not our home. We have a promise that one day every tear will be wiped away and pain will be no more (Revelation 21:4).

The Bible is full of truth about eternity and wisdom on how we should live our lives while we are still here on earth. Jesus doesn’t promise that we will escape pain here on earth, but He does promise that He will be with us always (Matthew 28:20).

In your pain and sorrow, cry out to the Lord and walk with the Holy Spirit. Allow Him to bring you true comfort and peace, all while guiding you into truth about the Kingdom to come. Soon and very soon we will be with Him forever where His perfect love will be all we ever experience. Until then, keep drawing near to Him and He will faithfully draw near to you, just as His Word promises us.

Heavenly Father, 

As the waves of grief come crashing in on me, please remind my heart of the hope that I have in Christ. Holy Spirit, help me to fix my gaze upon heaven where the promise of eternal life awaits me. Give me a voice to share my story of Your goodness and faithfulness during this difficult time of grief and pain. Thank You for bringing a peace that passes all understanding and healing broken hearts in Your timing. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

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Finding Joy in Difficult Seasons

For many years, I allowed my emotions to control the way I walked through life and made decisions. If something felt right or good, I did it. If something didn’t feel right or good, I avoided it. Needless to say, I surrounded myself with people and situations that satisfied me and filled my feel-good tank. When storms came my way, I allowed my emotions to toss me to and fro and cause so much emotional chaos that I couldn’t even think straight. I would be crushed under the weight of these emotions and be so consumed by my circumstances that it would cause me to fall victim to depression constantly and make very poor, sinful decisions that I would later regret. Thankfully, once I became born-again and began to study the scriptures, the Holy Spirit taught me that damaging cycle is not how God wants His children to live. 

When trials are big and God is small in your mind, misery and instability rule. When trials are small and God is big, near, and sovereign, joy reigns in your heart. We must link our thinking and feelings to the Lord and remind our hearts of His truth. We should never allow our feelings to dictate how we respond in hard times or allow our emotions to hold us back from drawing near to God’s truth where true joy can be found.

While suffering in prison, Paul encourages the Philippians to find their joy in the Lord:

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!” (Philippians 4:4, NASB).

Where does rejoicing come from? This ability, despite our suffering and trials, comes from the Lord who is the fountainhead of our joy. We can always rejoice because Christ never changes. You cannot always rejoice in your circumstances, but you can always rejoice in the Lord- He is constant. What are some ways we can rejoice in the Lord? We can rejoice in the Lord because of our salvation. We can rejoice that God is sovereign over all things in our life. We can rejoice that He is sanctifying us and transforming our life. We can rejoice because we can be satisfied with the riches and blessings that are available to us in Christ. 

We can find spiritual fortitude by focusing on Christ who brings us strength and joy no matter what we are facing. We can fix our eyes on Christ by tuning out the things of the world- lesser things- that keep us from thirsting for the things of God that bring a joy that the world cannot offer us. Troubles and anxieties are minimized when we lift our gaze upon the Lord and meditate on the scriptures where we learn the truths of who God is, which renews our mind and strengthens our faith in Him. The next time you find yourself in a different and trying season, ask the Holy Spirit to help you focus on Jesus. He is our helper in time of need, and He will fill your heart with unspeakable joy in Christ that will well up in you like a fountain!

Heavenly Father,

I do not want to be overtaken by my emotions when I am suffering or experiencing a difficult trial. Not that feelings are evil or sinful, as you have made us to experience them, but you do not want our emotions to dictate our responses and decisions. Circumstances change, but You never do. Thank You that You are constant and steadfast. We can rest in Your faithfulness, knowing that You have a plan in this storm, even if it is to use it to make me look more like You. You are near to us in the midst of our great suffering, even if we cannot always sense it. Help me to find joy in the Lord and to rejoice in You even when I cannot always rejoice in my circumstances. Help me to thirst for the things of God and turn from worldly thinking. Thank You, Jesus, for bringing me near to the Father by the shedding of Your precious blood upon the cross. I find my joy in You alone. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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God is Near to the Wounded

For many people, the holidays are full of wonderful traditions and precious memories together with family and friends. For others, it’s a time of deep pain and loneliness as they are reminded of strained or non-existent relationships or the loss of loved ones and their absence from the holiday gatherings. 

For many years, the latter was my experience, especially when I became a believer in my early 20s. I lost my dad around Thanksgiving when I was 22, and a few years later, my mom and stepdad went through a very painful divorce, which strained my relationship with my mother based on her life choices shortly following the separation from my stepdad. In the early years of my own marriage, there was so much tension and passive aggressive exchanges during the holidays as it was expected that I must make it top priority to spend time with my side of the family instead of my now husband’s family. 

When I had my first child, I wanted to create our own family traditions and try to include my own family as much as I could, but there was still so much tension regarding my strained family relationships. I found myself trying to be a peace maker, but it was never enough. I was crushed under the weight of trying to please everyone all while trying not to create a wedge in my marriage as well. To be quite honest, I was crushed and wounded regarding my relationships with my family in general because of my strong convictions as a believer in Christ in the midst of an unbelieving (and often hostile) family. The holidays seemed to just intensify those wounds when I would be left extremely disappointed and discouraged.

When we need God’s peace and comfort, we can always run to the Word. Scripture often brings clarity and perspective when our emotions are overwhelming. The psalmist reveals a beautiful truth about God’s love and care for the broken and wounded:

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
    and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18, ESV).

Instead of allowing our pain and emotions to toss us to and fro, we can find our security and assurance in who God is and how much He loves by finding our foundation in His Word. The wounds of distant, strained, or lost relationships can often run deep, but there is healing found in Christ, who never leaves us nor forsake us. When we are crushed under the weight of our circumstances, we can trust that when we draw near to God, He draws near to us (James 4:8), and His ever-present help will come to our aid to walk us through the pain. You may have been disappointed, grieving, and hurt yet again this holiday season, but don’t find your home in the pain and discouragement. Let us run into His safety and find great comfort in Him!

Heavenly Father,

You know my heart and see my pain before I ever speak a word, but You long for me to make my requests known to You by being honest and intentional in seeking You first no matter what. Help me to remember that You are near to the brokenhearted and that I can run into your safety when I feel crushed by my circumstances and difficult relationships. I know You alone can satisfy my soul more than any other relationship in life. Thank You for setting the lonely in families and for calling me Your child. Surround me with Your grace and help me see Your loving hand working in my life. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

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Casting Your Cares

I struggled with anxiety and panic attacks for many years in high school and college. Stress and worry were just a part of my life, and I allowed them to move into my mind and become my permanent mental roommates. From money problems to relationship issues, if it became too much, you would find me curled up in a ball in the fetal position on the floor, hyperventilating until parts of my body went numb and crying until there were no more tears left.

After I graduated college, the Lord regenerated and redeemed me, and I began to walk close with the Him and study His Word like I never had before in my life. My mind was being renewed and over time, I began to trust the Lord more with issues that would have normally caused me to worry. I slowly learned to cast my cares upon Him like 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to do:

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you”

(1 Peter 5:7, NIV).

But every now and then, I still become a victim of worry and anxiety and begin to experience sudden panic about my circumstances that out of my control, even though I know the Bible is clear that we should always trust the Lord at all times. So if we aren’t supposed to be anxious as believers, why do so many Christians still struggle with anxiety? Aside from chemical imbalances that can occur in one’s body, which are very real and very valid, I believe much of what causes anxiety begins in our minds. The more we dwell on a negative or fearful thought of a circumstance beyond our control, the more stress and worry begins to plague us. Somewhere along the lines in our overwhelm, we forget the One who holds our future. The One who is sovereign. The One who cares for His children so deeply, the Lord God Almighty. We learn more about Him in the Bible, where our faith and abiding trust in Him is strengthened.

The other night when I experienced the panic attack, there was a brief moment where I was given the opportunity to resist the negative thoughts and take them captive and begin to talk to God like I had learned to do so many times before, but this time, I chose to let my mind run in circles. I was so familiar with the experience of a panic attack that I could literally feel it try to overtake me right before it happened. If I would have set my mind upon scripture in that moment (such as Philippians 4:6-7 and even 1 Peter 5:7), I would have realized that God offered me a solution for my anxious thoughts. A simple conversation with the Lord would have helped me focus my thoughts and would have brought immediate peace to the whirlwind in my mind. The Word of God is so powerful and the more we study and meditate upon it, our foundation will be strong in Christ and we will continually know how to look to Him any time stress and anxiety tries to overtake us. Let us always be quick to ask the Lord for His sustaining grace and help in our time of need, looking to Him always because He cares for us. 

Father God, thank You that You want us to cast our cares upon You. Thank You that there is nowhere I can go that you are not there with me. Thank You for having a hold of my life, even as I feel like everything is crumbling around me. Lord, I confess that I have let stress take a hold of my life, rather than You. I have let stress control my mood, my attitude, my emotions, and my actions. Lord, I repent of this! Please Father, help me see what is stressful in my life and hand it over to You. Help me not let the stress win out. Help me actively think on Your goodness to me. Help me to renew my mind with Your unchanging Word. I am so hopeful for my eternity with you, Lord, where there will be no more stress and I will be overwhelmed by Your love, beauty, and never-ending peace! Help me look back on all the ways You have rescued me from my stressful moments and look in hope to the future where You will one day rid all stress, forever. In the meantime, I know and trust that You hold my future. Help me live boldly in the truth of Your goodness and power today. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

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Forgiving Others in the Face of Evil

The weekend of Father’s Day is always difficult for me. My dad’s birthday is so close to Father’s Day (sometimes actually falling on Father’s Day) so it’s kind of a double whammy when your dad is no longer here. It’s even more difficult when the reason your dad is gone is because someone brutally took his life, so, for me, there are always a lot of heavy emotions attached to the third weekend in June. Regarding the man who took my dad’s life, many might shout “That man should burn in hell for what he did!” Yet, I have never stopped preaching, “We must forgive!” because I know the severity of holding onto the wrongs that others have done to us. It simply is not worth it, my friends, no matter how justified we may feel regarding the sins that have been done to us. Jesus shares this sobering truth in the book of Matthew about forgiving others no matter what:

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14, NIV).

Just like all of humanity, I have fallen short of the glory of God, and I need my sins to be forgiven and washed clean by the finished work of the cross of Jesus Christ. Oh, what love has been extended to me that while I was yet a sinner, Christ died for me (Romans 5:8)! If Christ died for me and has forgiven me, someone who has sinned against a Holy and righteous God, how could I possibly withhold forgiveness to another image bearer of God? 

Knowing what the Bible says about forgiveness, I immediately chose to forgive and move on with both my life with Christ and the man who is now my husband. I didn’t want to harbor unforgiveness or bitterness in my heart that would undoubtedly grow like a cancer. It is not that I don’t love or miss my dad terribly; It is because dwelling on this wicked tragedy will never bring my dad back, but more than that, I know that I must obey God to forgive those who sin against me. I know that justice belongs only in the hands of the Lord. It took six years, but the man who murdered my father was eventually charged with a guilty sentence. He will serve up to 45 years in prison as a punishment for his actions. The Lord brings vindication, most assuredly, but, most of all, I long for that man to repent of what he did and find a life-changing relationship with Jesus like I have found. I can’t say that I have found the strength to pray a prayer like this or the strength to forgive from solely within myself. No, my strength to pray for and forgive the man who murdered my dad comes only from God’s grace and the power and might of the Holy Spirit. 

Oh, believer, we need the love and presence of our heavenly Father from now until eternity! Oh, unbeliever, repent and turn from your sins, and rebellion and come to Christ to be lavished in His mercy and forgiveness! If you are harboring unforgiveness towards another, release it now, don’t wait! I urge you to repent and receive the forgiveness of the Father today and find strength in Jesus to learn to walk in total forgiveness, even in the midst of the darkest of evil and sin against you. Oh, what freedom and peace you will find!

Heavenly Father,

I come to you today first and foremost with a grateful heart that You would lavish Your mercy and love upon me, someone who has sinned against You, oh, Holy and righteous Creator God! Thank you for sending Your Son, Jesus, who stood in my place to die a death that I deserved so that I could be forgiven, justified, and restored back to You to now be called Your child. If I am holding onto unforgiveness against someone who has hurt me or gravely sinned against me, I repent and forgive that person immediately. I have no right to harbor unforgiveness against anyone, and as Your child, You call me to forgive others because I have been forgiven by You. I choose to obey You, no matter how difficult it may be for me. I trust Your Spirit will empower me to forgive and love others how You have forgiven and love me. Help me heal from the wounds that may have been caused by the hands of others. I pray for their heart that they would walk in repentance and walk in forgiveness and know and trust You like I do. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

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Encouragement When You are Battling Rejection

I woke up one morning recently crying after having a very vivid, heart-piercing dream. It was almost as if my current heart-struggle was being played out right before me; I could honestly see this dream happening in reality.

The words that were spoken (in the dream) to me and my husband cut to the core, and they hurt so badly that my first reaction was tears so strong that they stained my cheeks when I awoke.

Being a story-teller allows for intense dream-tales in my mind while I’m supposed to be resting, sleeping. It’s something I have always dealt with since I was a child- I wake up trying to shake the mental visions, telling myself over and over again that it’s not real. Eventually, the emotions fade, and I can go on with the rest of my day.

In this recent instance, I had trouble getting passed the pain and just began talking to God about it. It was very obvious and simple- I was still dealing with rejection and it still hurt, but I was reminded that there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24).

Although Proverbs 18:24 doesn’t necessarily say that friend is Jesus, I know that He will always be there for me even when everyone else fails me. Scripture tells us that God never leaves us or forsakes us in Deuteronomy 31:6. This truth from the Old Testament about our never-changing God is also stated again as a reminder in Hebrews 13, along with this powerful truth that people will fail us, and people may reject us, but we should not fear, for God is on our side. He is our helper.

“…for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,” so that we confidently say,

“The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.
What will man do to me?’” (Hebrews 13:5b-6, NASB). 

When we face rejection from others, we must remember that Jesus understands more than anyone what rejection feels like, as He is very familiar with it Himself. Many people rejected Jesus (and continue to do so) while He was here on earth, even one of His very own disciples (Judas) rejected Him and betrayed Him. And just a couple hours later, another one of His closest disciples (Peter) rejected knowing Him. Three times to be exact. Aren’t you so thankful for Jesus’ forgiveness when we turn our backs on Him! He gives us so many opportunities to repent and make things right in our relationship with Him! His mercies towards us are new every single morning…oh, what love! The Lord understands our pain regarding rejection and His arms are open wide, so let us be quick to draw near to Him. Lo, He is always with you…even to the end of the age!

Abba Father,

I’m hurting. I don’t want to hold onto this pain of rejection. I want to heal from the wounds of those who have hurt me. I choose to forgive. I want You to bless those who hurt me, even if they don’t want me in their life anymore. Your Son was rejected, even by You, for a moment when He took the punishment of sin, out of love for me. Thank You, Jesus, for being the friend I need who sticks by me no matter what. I love You, Lord. Thank You for always loving me and never leaving me. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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Weeping in the night, Joy in the Morning

I am convinced that sleep deprivation from the baby/toddler phase is the mom version of fasting. My flesh becomes so weakened and my reliance upon God becomes absolutely everything. I cannot help but rely on His grace to do pretty much anything. If you count third trimester lack of sleep from the uncomfortableness and countless trips of waddling to the bathroom, I literally haven’t slept through the night in almost two years. This isn’t hyperbole- my 17-month-old has NEVER slept through the night. My middle son took 25 months to do so- which was only six months before my youngest was born. It’s been an extremely physically and mentally (and often emotionally) trying season that has lasted years.

I don’t share all of this to complain or receive sympathy or ask for advice. I share to remind you (and myself) that the Lord is near to those suffering and in that suffering, He brings unspeakable joy that is not dependent upon our circumstances. No matter how overwhelming it may feel, His grace is sufficient in your weakness. Lean upon Him, and He will strengthen you and transform you in your suffering to look more like Him.

When I was praying the other night in the midnight hours during the on and off wakings (awakened every one-two hours because of his teething pain and what I can assume is the 18 month sleep regression), I said “God, I know he is a gift…please help me.” And as I reflect upon this trying season, I’m realizing the ways my son is a gift from the Father, along with all my children, of course. I cannot help but praise God in the midst of my pain for the Lord’s faithfulness to me. Even though my circumstances have not changed, He is changing me. I am encouraged by these verses in Psalm 30 to give thanks and remember that joy always comes in the morning:

“Sing praise to the Lord, you His godly ones, And give thanks to His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.”

Psalm 30:4-5, NASB

When my flesh is weak because of the difficulties that come with this season of motherhood, and I am humbled to my knees, by God’s grace, I am able to bear fruit and walk in the Spirit in a way that pleases the Lord. Instead of asking God to rescue me from my weeping and struggles with my son’s sleep, I find myself thanking God through tears of joy for this sleep deprivation. Suffering is a gift and with it comes joy and a heart full of praise to God for His faithfulness. May we ask the Lord for eyes to see our suffering in that way.

Heavenly Father, I’m weary and hurting. I have asked so many times for this suffering to be removed and for You to rescue me from this storm. I feel depleted. I feel like I’m drowning. But I realize that You have not called me to live by my feelings or by what I see happening around me; You have called me to walk by faith. And as my faith in You rises up in me, I trust that You have me exactly where I am supposed to be- totally dependent upon Your grace. In my weakness, I know that You are my strength. I praise You in my pain, and I ask that You would use this trial, this suffering, this storm to change me to look more like Christ- all for Your glory. I know that I may endure weeping in the night, but Your joy always comes- a joy that is not dependent upon my circumstances but is everlasting and sustaining even in the darkest of nights. Thank You for Your nearness to me in my greatest time of need and pain. You are a faithful Father, and I am so thankful to receive Your mercy and be called Your child. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

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